Not so long ago, I did something of questionable benevolence.
I meticulously researched dating disasters in an effort to dissuade my best friend from making the mistake of his life and going out with a duplicitous serpent.
One of the gems I came across in my “research” was this:
“Today, I had a date with a girl. The chemistry was just right and she seemed perfect in every way until she staunchly insisted that the earth is flat.”
Dear Valentine’s Day Victim, you probably felt it was chemistry, but she was thinking you two could change lead into gold...
Speaking of disappointments, let’s discuss flat-earthers and l(a)unch dates in business.
Flat-earthers are a particular breed of low quality subscriber one must be ever vigilant against.
On the surface, they look like the perfect l(a)unch date:
They read your emails. They respond to your emails. They even ask you a bunch of questions about what you’re selling.
The chemistry seems just right and they seem perfect in every way until they staunchly insist that your product just won’t help them.
The earth is flat, you are a scam, and your offer won’t fix their problem because they are a special snowflake.
But you have no one to blame because you actually had ample warning that they might be flat-earthers.
The red flag was in the type of questions they were asking (and the sheer number of those queries).
Questions like:
- Why is there a deadline if the course videos are pre-recorded? Can’t you just keep the cart open forever?
- Why are there no negative reviews of your materials? Can you send me case studies of people who didn’t get results?
- Will this work for me if I’m a 700 year old hermit living in a cave in Tibet with an intense fear of clowns? I’m not, but I wanted to check before I bought.
Here is the nuance to watch out for:
Serious buyers ask 1-2 questions. They have specific reservations, and once you address them, they buy.
Or they realise the programme isn’t actually right for them.
Either way they make a decision.
Contrast this with flat-earthers.
THEY ask question… after question… after question. And each subsequent question becomes increasingly esoteric and obscure.
Flat-earthers are asking those questions, because subconsciously they are looking to validate their reasons not to buy.
What those questions are REALLY saying is this:
“I have cognitive dissonance. You nailed the problems in my life. You really spoke to my pain points. But I never really take action on the stuff I buy. They just gather dust on a virtual shelf, so I never see results.
If I buy this and do not get results, I’m going to feel guilty. So I’ll ask question after question after question until I find something that helps me say ‘I knew it! This is a scam!’”
You could have the world’s best product, best marketing, and best sales copy - and you are still not going to sell a single unit if you have an email list of flat-earthers.
How do you prevent your list from being flooded with them?
Don’t host club meetings for The Flat Earth Society.
Don’t put up opt-in offers which attract people with that kind of mindset.
Do actively repel flat-earthers from joining your email list in the first place.
And if you need help creating the kind of opt-in offer that bars entry to flat-earthers, and tire kickers, and other species of low quality subscriber, FAST50 (http://fast50optins.com/) has got your back.
